Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Mommy's weekend out

We are going on a trip. A childless trip.  I used to hate when people would say " I can't wait to have mommy's night out" or "a weekend without kids!!" I never got it. I couldn't understand why people wouldn't want to spend every waking moment with their children.  Of course, that was in the midst of fertility struggles, and I was childless.  I have children now. I'm excited for mommy's big weekend that will be childless.  I love my kids. I do. I think I've mentioned that before. However, there is something about not seeing formula and not having to mix laxative in a sippy cup ever night that has my excitement soaring. Sad, but true. I know people that feel guilty about leaving their children to spend fun time away. I understand this, but at the same time, how can you be a good parent if you don't focus on yourselves once in a while? That is when couples go to dinner and have nothing to talk about but their children. When you have lost the ability to talk to your spouse about anything but poop and bottles, its time to call a sitter. Has the thought crossed any ones mind that maybe your kids don't want to hang out with you all the time? That's food for thought, my friends.

Went to eat with my brother tonight.  He is still home for Christmas, which is odd, cause I was fairly certain he didn't like us that much, but maybe he does after all. Its the Christmas miracle. Anyway, he was talking about my other brothers house, and about how its a perfect party house.  Then it happened. I said something that I NEVER thought I would say. I said "Blake, when you have kids those things aren't as important." Let me just get it out there right now-- I'm ashamed of myself.  Especially because I lied! They are as important. Well, keg stands and jager bombs may have taken a backseat after college, (although I may or may not have done one at one of my best friends weddings a couple years back in a bridesmaids dress...)  but you can still have fun. Maybe I should call him. OR, maybe its good birth control.  We wouldn't want little ones running around LA fatherless.

So, I'm packed and ready.  I think I took 15 things on hangers, 3 bags, and 6 pairs of shoes. For four days. I am kind of exited. I told John earlier that I don't want to hear it. I'm aware of the ridiculousness of my packing.  I'm a girl, and he wouldn't want me to wear sweats all weekend. I can plan out my outfits, but then what if I don't feel like wearing it that day? That would be devastating to say the least.  It's all about options, baby.

Oh, and I figured out a resolution. I am going to try to quit cursing, dammit.  I'm reminded of a scene in The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood where Vivi is out in her yard with sparklers around her and praying to whomever she is praying to with her arms in the air, silk nightgown swaying in the southern wind. She swears if she gets this one wish she will quit drinking....well, maybe one...two a night.  And she swears she will only smoke once....twice a night. My grandfather used to say that people that curse weren't smart enough to figure out anything else to say. 

Apparently he never heard the F word.

I doubt our quaint accommodations have wifi, so I'm afraid I'll be out for a couple of days. Here is to mommy's big weekend out, breaking out the black eyeliner, and throwing on a pretty dress. Hope each of you bring in the new year with loved ones around you, and with a toast to a healthy year full of promise.


My little pumpkins and failed resolution

John William: He's energetic, hilarious, and constantly moving. He is a constant reminder of our multitude of blessings, and continues to dazzle us everyday with his budding personality. He loves Buzz and Woody, beebee's, his bottle, and his brother. He won't eat a thing besides dairy, Capri suns and goldfish crackers. He calls his brother "dookie" and will lay all his weight on him in attempt to show his love. This is not Luke's favorite thing. He's a dancer, and sings twinkle twinkle better than I ever could. He's my first baby, my first miracle.

Luke Coburn: My second miracle, and just as miraculous as Will. He is the one that reminds us that God is in charge, not us. He crawls anywhere his brother is, and hates to be over-loved by Will. (aka, laid on). He hates baby food but can eat fried chicken, and will smile if you look at him just a little bit silly. He is a lover, and would rather take little breaks from playing to come get some lovin from John and I.

Those are my little pumpkins. Such repetitive and selfless blessings, and the most wonderful teachers I've ever had. I'm learning more and more everyday about my strengths, and on bad days, my weaknesses. While I'm sure I will screw up at some point, I'm thinking that we just might make it through this with our sanity in tact.

Lastly, I am remembering something I posted a couple if weeks ago about my need to filter. It may have mentioned something about that being a resolution. Sike. Not happening. I have too much to say, and I've decided it's not a bad thing. Watch your ears, here's to a 2011 full of completely offensive material on child rearing.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Great Juice Cleanse

Ok, so I have mentioned that I was thinking of doing a juice cleanse.  It all started one night while John and I were watching the most informative of news shows, E! News.  They mentioned a juice cleanse and how it rids your body of toxins, etc. SO, we thought it was a brilliant idea for me. Don't ask me why. I have a couple pounds I am ready to say goodbye to, and it wouldn't bother me to clean my liver after all the holiday gatherings.  I googled the cleanse they mentioned, and it was going to cost about $300 for 3 days. Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I settled on a lesser known brand that promised the same results, and a decent taste.  I ordered, took up unnecessary amount of room in my fridge, and vowed to start it in the midst of the holiday season. That was a stupid plan.

I talked a friend into doing this with me. I'll leave her nameless, because I plan on making a lot of fun of her in the next few days.  We started this cleanse today. Well, she started this cleanse today.  I packed my juice up in my lunch pail, had great intentions, and abnormally high willpower.  I drank the first bottle thinking "I can do this! This is nothing!"


See, when you talk about toxins, and ridding yourself of them, I assumed I knew how that took place. As it turns out, I did not know. At all.  I sat in my little cubicle, drinking my juice and my water and WHAM! the great hangover began.  I have never had a hangover like this, but its exactly what it felt like.  That, or the worst stomach flu of all time.   Sweats, dizziness, chills, and the most overwhelming nausea that I have ever experienced.  It was miserable.  So what did I do? I went to my favorite lunch spot and I chowed on roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, and green beans and a gigantic diet coke.

It was divine.

That was the end of my juice cleanse. My friend is trudging through like a champ, but did not have the same symptoms that I experienced.  I doubt she could continue if that were the case. I know she is starving, and I have the deepest sympathy for her husband and children. I think at the end of the day I actually gained weight.  I'm okay with it as long as I never have to eat or drink anything lemon flavored for the rest of my life. 

I deserve a cocktail.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Baby Book Bonanza

My kids don't have them. Well, they do, they are just in a Tupperware, and not a book.  I love my kids, I do, and I vowed to be better at this than my mother was.

You see, I got my baby books when I was 20. No, that isn't when she handed them to me in this coming of age ritual, that's when she did them. I won't even get into how there are pictures me with a report card that says "Jordan- 1985" when I was clearly in grade school, not preschool, but whatever... I'm clearly scarred from it.

So, I guess I need to do my kids books. What I have decided to do is do one book per season until they reach grade school, and then make 1 book a year after that. I can order 3 copies of the same book- one for me, one for each of them. Right? Surely there isn't a flaw in this plan. They will only be a year apart in school, so I think its logical. 

OMG- just explaining it stressed me out.

I have kind of started, but then the online program I use pisses me off, and I have to delete and start over.  And it's not that I don't take the pictures. I have like 10,000 on my computer. Literally. I took a photography class, for pete's sake. So they are there, and they are kind of good. They are just not in a book... 

I'm not a scrapbooker. I envy those who are, and those who write down when the first tooth came in, yada yada, but I don't do that. I buy all the calendars and crap to document it, but I don't ever do it.  I used to guilt myself , but I am over it.  My kids won't care when their teeth came in, or when they got what shot, cause who cares about that???  (Really, if you do, send me a message. I need to know and understand why.) Whatever. I know half of you are thinking the same thing and are scared you will look like a bad momma for not caring.  So here it is, OFFICIALLY:

My name is Jordan, and I do not have my kids baby books done, nor do I have immediate plans for completion of said baby books.  

There. it's out. Don't be scared anymore. 

So, I will continue to throw all their keepsakes in a giant Tupperware, where I am bound to mix them up, and hopefully it doesn't throw them into therapy later. 

I've lived a joyous and blessed life, and I feel like I have a great sense of identity, all without my pediatric shot records.

have a wonderful holiday and be nice to each other.


Friday, December 17, 2010

I ate SPAM today.

I did. And, much to my dismay, I have to say that it may be better than bacon. (turkey bacon, that is)  It kind of stuck to my teeth a bit- not a fan of that- but it was kind of delicious in an 'ive been drinking a little and this is a great sandwich' kinda way.  I can no longer snub canned meat.
  SPAM. I googled it and found all sorts of recipes.  There is spam sushi. Yup, I'm for real.  I wonder what kind of parts are in there. I draw the line when I know an ear, hoof, or cheek is in my SPAM. I'll google that right now.... (pause while I google again...)

Oh wow! Apparently spam is really a "spiced ham" and is just pork shoulder and ham with a lot of chemicals to make it ok for it to be in a can.

However, I'm still skeptical.

Apparently it's a delicacy in Hawaii. That makes it sound better, right?

Maybe not. But the beach sounds nice.

Maybe a recipe from the blue ribbon state fair champion "Golden Spam Surprise"

And...maybe not. You can go on their website and listen to a song called "Pam don't take my SPAM"

Please Pam! Please take my SPAM.

Why are we naturally terrified of SPAM, but we will eat tuna, no problem? Apparently Jessica Simpson and I were the only two on the planet that thought Chicken of the Sea was actually chicken.  I thought there was another can called "Tuna of the Sea", I also "came home" to OK from KS by way of I35 NORTH. Yeah, that was a long day. 

that's no lie folks. I have no shame in admitting that.

I encourage each of you to buy a can of SPAM, and be creative. Let me know how it goes. I may even take myself up on my own challenge.   I'll post pictures. I've heard that eggs and SPAM is seriously delicious.

have a great weekend-


Thursday, December 16, 2010

My handsome fella

Love him. All 6 foot 5, and every bit of concrete dust that follows him into our house.

This man will do just about anything for his family, and if that means sitting his tall and lanky self on a toddler chair while watching Toy Story for the 1000th time, then so be it.

Tall guy, little chair.

He made sure Will had his priorities straight for 2010 election..

An introduced Luke to the world..

And that was all just this year!

He is charming and hilarious, and I drive him bananas, but he loves me anyway. I couldn't be more thankful for the life we've built together.

My cup runneth over.

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Whats playing on my Ipod...

John would say I have horrible taste in music, but I beg to differ.  I love ballads, and I listen to an ipod all day, so I've found that mellow music is the least distracting while satisfying my need to do something other than stare at a computer.

I made a playlist today that is blowing my socks off.  I love it. I named it Picnic Blanket because I would like to be on a Picnic Blanket with an actual picnic while this is playing. Maybe a bonfire later in the evening, with lots of good pals around. Preferably on a beach...

Wow. I even lost myself there for a moment.

1) Dave Matthews Band. This should have a presence on every playlist.
2) Tracy Chapman- For You, Run, Fast Car, Baby Can I Hold You
3) Dan Fogelberg- Leader of the Band
4) Indigo Girls- Fleet of Hope
5) Sara Barielles- Hold my Heart, Machine Gun, River
6) John Mayer (see #1)
7) Rilo Kiley- 15
8) Jennifer Knapp- Refine Me, Martyrs and Thieves
9) Missy Higgins- Where I Stood, Nightminds
10) Eric Hutchinson- Food Chain, All Over Now, Ok its alright with me
11) Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk- Paperweight
12) Marc Cohn- Maybe I'm Amazed
13) Watermark- Captivate Us, Knees to the Earth
14) James Taylor and Carole King- Machine Gun Kelly, Blossom, Smackwater Jack
15) Third Day- When the Rain Comes
16) Taylor Swift- Never Grow Up, Dear John
17) Jack Johnson-(see #1)
18) Kate Nash- Birds (This song reminds me of John and I. I laugh everytime I hear it.)
19) Michelle Branch- A Case of You
20) Needtobreathe- The Outsiders, Garden
21) Zac Brown- Jolene, Whatever it is, and of course, Chicken Fried

I hope this inspires you to create situational playlists. Not really, but maybe you will find a song you like, and it will remind you of me, and a picnic blanket. Then maybe you will create one called "ski lodge" with songs that make you feel cozy and crave micro brews from little mountain breweries and a big roaring fire.


Monday, December 13, 2010

I'm really not an adult. It's a costume.

Do u find that when you grow up and have to do things you really don't want to do, that you still don't really want to do them? I don't really want to be at the dr's office right now. At all. I know it's what's best for me,whatever, but right now I want to cross my arms and collapse on the ground like Will does. I just wouldn't have anyone to drag me out while brilliantly keeping my shoulder in it's socket. (I have that gift).

It's like a couple of weeks ago when John made me go somewhere I really didn't want to go. HE didn't even go, but preached to me about how I should, so I went, against my will. I should have collapsed then too.

Just a small thought I had while sitting in the waiting room. Oh, and there is a girl in here with athletic socks and scotch plaid heels on. It's never that cold, honey.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Raindrops on Roses

It's Christmas, and I have the wantsies. So, here is my list of favorite things I love, and want, and need, and HAVE TO HAVE.

1)Things I love, i can't start that list without my 3 men.

love them.

2) Max Factor mascara with the curved applicator.I have used this since I was 10, and they quit carrying it in the US.  I can get it on Amazon for $28 a tube. No thanks. If you find this at your nearest bargain bin I will pay $10 a tube. Yes, this is my #2 wish.

3) These bar stools from Ballard Designs. I mean, I know that they are expensive, but I have it all planned out. You must pay butt rental to sit there. I would have them paid off by next Christmas. For sure. They are beautiful, and I really think they would soften my table a bit. 
4) The Coors Light kegorator- I don't feel like this needs much explanation. It's also a green alternative to drinking out of aluminum and glass. I win, mother earth wins.

5)A wifi connection. This is another post in and of itself. I never imagined how entirely frustrated this could make me.

6) Philosophy Hope in a Jar.  Oprah doesn't joke around. This stuff is serious. Changed my skin.

7) Christmas decorations. I love them. They make me happy, and they make John crazy, which makes me laugh. I just imagine one day looking at them and remembering when each ornament was purchased, and going from newlyweds, from one baby, to two babies, through dogs... and so on, and so on.  My friend Julie has a audio ornament of her son saying "Merry Christmas". How precious is that, and what a wonderful thing for her to remember what her son sounded like. I need an audio ornament asap.

8) The Etsy pillow lady. I haven't ordered anything quite yet, but I look and drool over her pillows. The fabrics are fabulous and funky. Love the Ikat print.

9)  Girlfriends.  I think you know who you two are, but one fell in a grocery store parking lot and spilt (yup- that's a word today) her groceries, and the other bought me festive kleenex.  I am grateful, and these people are a gift that we should all ask for from Santa.  xo. I'm gettin jingly with it.

10) My husband's love for extreme cooking. Without him, I would weigh 10 lbs less, but I would never know the beautiful reality it is to be a foodie. yummy in the tummy.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Bee-Bees and Bottles are for Babies....right?

bee-bee: pacifier; binky.

Wrong. My 2 year old still gets both WHENEVER he wants them. And I am 120% okay with it. Yes, I'm aware of tooth decay and setting him up for years in hideous braces, but, at the end of the day John is right. his teeth are going to fall out anyway. Sounds redneck, I know. And I don't put him to bed with a bottle, and the bottle isn't every night, either. Sometimes he chooses a sipee. My 9 month old obviously drinks from a bottle and uses the same bee bee as the 2 year old, so any hope of successful removal is long gone. So, I justify it to myself.

Also, since becoming a mother I have wondered something. Why are people in a hurry for their babies to grow up? 'my baby walked at 2 months!' or 'my baby can read'. NEWSFLASH: your baby isn't supposed to be able to read or walk. He's a BABY. He is supposed to be cuddled and tickled and kissed, not shown flashcards and forced to do squats.  Life flies by, and I'm afraid the mom's in my generation push it further.  I myself am guilty of pleading "PLEASE sleep through the night and I'll buy you the best car in the world for your 16th birthday. I swear!" which won't happen because a) he never followed through on his end of the bargain, and B) that's insanity buying a 16 year old a cool car.

That is beside the point.

It takes such practice and awareness to actually stop and be present in the moment.  I remember going to Israel when I was a freshman in high school. My older brother and I were not really excited about it. In fact, we were actually dreading it. I remember knowing that I should be appreciative of this opportunity, (and I remember seeing my uncle jack without his hair- whoa.) but I just couldn't get into it. As we were driving down the highway I looked out of our van and said "God, if I remember nothing else from this trip I want to remember this rock I'm looking at right this instant."  To this day I can describe every angle of the rock, and then man sitting next to it and his white tshirt. That trip was full of memories, some good and some bittersweet, but I made sure I was present for that.

Same with our wedding. I thought to myself  "you have to be here for this. center yourself and treasure every second." and I still remember the look on John's face as he said "I do" a little earlier than asked. :) But with my kids, I find that its harder to get centered and focused on the moment. If you are a working mother, your job really begins when you get home from work.  Nothing at my day job can ever make me utilize my time management skills like the first two hours at home with my kids.  However, I find that I lose focus and center myself around chores instead of my children. It's a constant struggle for me, and I have to re-focus quite frequently.

So, when you see my 2 year old with either, know that he can have the bee bee, or the bottle.  I don't care. I chose to let my babies be babies.  He's only a baby once, and I don't really want any opinions on the matter. He's only going to want to snuggle up with a "bot" and watch TV with mama for a little bit, and I think a steep future orthodontist bill is a great trade for that. 


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Went in for a tree, came out with the reason

Took the kiddos to get a Christmas tree today. Taking 2 kids 2 and under into any store is a challenge. The 2 year old can't be trusted, so he's still in the cart. The little one, well he can't walk, so he's in the cart as well. As I've mentioned in the past, I have this completely unrealistic Norman Rockwell image in my head of how the grandiose "tree selection" will actually go down. Needless to say, my images of Christmas may have to wait until 2011.

What I ended up leaving Lowe's with was much greater and more perfect than any tree they had for sale. You see, it's easy to lose track of what is important this time of year. You would think that it would be so obvious why we put up a tree, buy gifts for one another, spend time with our loved ones. But we fail to keep our eyes on the prize. We panic about sales, deals and bargains.

Walking down the tinsel aisle, with my boys holding a snow globe, garland and an inflatable (yes, I broke down and got him one) I passed 3 little girls with their grandmother. One little girl said "grandma? Why is it going to be a small Christmas?" and the grandmother kindly looked at her granddaughters and responded "honey, your daddy has been out of work for quite some time, so it's just not going to be the same this year."

When shopping for your families, please don't forget the little girl who's father has been without work. Don't forget her siblings. Pick up an angel from the Salvation Army angel tree. Throw your spare change in the bucket on your way into the grocery store. What may be minuscule to you may mean the world someone else.

So we went in for a tree and came out with a profound and overwhelming sense of the blessings that we have been given. I know that I have been reminded of what is truly important this season.

My cup runneth over.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, December 3, 2010

things I should keep to myself...

I'm a loudmouth. I'm aware that I sometimes share my opinions a little too easily, and for that I am sorry in advance. Sometimes people silently ask my opinion. I swear. And it's not my fault that they don't know that they want my opinion. 

 I was watching Private Practive last night, and Derek's sister said that she was practicing "filtering". This is something I should probably work on for 2011.

But it isn't 2011 yet.

1) I wore a pajama shirt, leggings and a maternity sweater to work the other day. It was all clean though, and no, I'm not pregnant again.

2) You shouldn't wear full backed panties with pants that don't have pockets. Use your head ladies!! Buy some correct undies.

3) Don't talk religion or politics while drinking. I don't care if you are my best friend. If we don't agree sober then we won't agree after 6 beers. Let's agree to disagree.

 4) Don't advertise what you give. That irks me more than anything.

5) I can't stand Ed Hardy.

6) You shouldn't crumple your money in your pocket, you should respect it, and I know how financially responsible you are by that and by

7) your shoes.  My husband always says that you can tell a lot about a man (or woman) from their shoes.  That being said, I have on brown boots as I type and the leather is almost worn off one toe from my clumsiness. Have I mentioned that I sometimes fall?

8) i hate it when people don't open the door and actually hold it open for a stranger. That just isn't kind. If we can't do at least that, then we have serious problems.

9) Make your bed in the morning.  If you can't tackle this, then your house will never have any hope of being tidy. It feels good. I promise.

10) I don't really have a #10.

ciao, and have a great weekend, and i have to say it-


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

holiday weight loss tips (not really)

Since having a baby 9 months ago I have been on a quest to "lose the baby weight." Things keep getting in my way and screwing it all up. For one, the baby. I blame most of it on him. But if I want to be kind and say that it really is my fault, and it is, then I must say it is directly correlated with beer and laziness. Here I am folks, a modern day Homer Simpson. But a chick.  I'm sure this will lead you to the impression that I have beer with every dinner, which is quite the opposite of my reality. I won't lie, that would be glorious. Rather, I find that I try to consume my weekly intake all on Friday and Saturday nights. Some of us have to work during the week, you know.

There are little things that I like to call "roadblocks" that are screwing up my plans. I will list them in no particular order:

1) THE TODDLER.  I can't blame the baby for this one, but I CAN blame the toddler. I eat everything that he eats. Poor kid lives on raisins and whole grain goldfish because of my inability to have a smidgen of self control. It won't kill him.

2) JOEY WONKA I have a cubie that sells candy bars. I like to call him "Joey Wonka".  He comes off as being really nice and that hes doing it for his daughter's school, but I know the truth. He's really pocketing the money and taking his wife on a cruise. (not really, the kid has already gone to NY, I'm sure Prague is in her future with the amount of candy this guy sells to my coworkers.) 2pm rolls around and there is a line at his desk for chocolate bars and warheads. 

3) WENDY'S. Damn you and your new french fries. I literally feel like I will die if I don't get my hands on those. I want to try them so badly.

4) HOLIDAYS. Cream cheese, sour cream, mayo and more. Meals and traditions- calories galore.

5) BEER. I can't help myself.

Here's to a juice fast next week, and chatting with my treadmill. 


Monday, November 29, 2010

Got my mind on my closet, and my closet on my mind.

So I was getting ready for church yesterday, and I couldn't find anything that I wanted to wear. I had to read in front of the church, and so there is always a chance that I would trip- so I had to have on something cute, right?  Wrong. I had to wear all black cause I couldn't find anything that wasn't a wrinkled mess.  Why? Cause my clothes are PACKED in my shoebox closet that I share with my husband. Why do I share? Cause I'm not as mean as I used to be when we first go hitched- when I put his clothes in the guestroom.  God bless that man.

Right when I left for church I told John that I was cleaning house when we got home. Bigtime. He was so excited he offered to take it all to Goodwill for me.

I am not in college. Forever 21 needs to have a limited presence in my wardrobe.  I am not a geek either, so the mid rise Old Navy jeans that I thought I needed cause I have 2 kids also went bye bye. I bagged clothes that I have had for like 10 years. I wish I would have thought to take pictures, but descriptive writing is all I have to offer.

Maternity bridesmaids dress? WHY DO I HAVE THIS? Sorry Turie, it was beautiful, but I'm not wearing it again. That was just one of three bridesmaids dresses. Sorry ladies, but let's get real. I found jeans that are 1 foot too long, and I have had them for 3 years. I'm obviously not getting them hemmed. So long! See ya!  Shoes, belts, purses, and the Gucci skirt I got in Milan 10 years ago. (Yeah mags, I had to let it go. I can't get it over my calves.) SEVEN LEAF BAGS, FOLKS. Seven. 7!!! John has called TLC to enter my story to "Hoarders".

It was such a nice experience that I highly suggest. I felt cleansed and renewed with a new sense of organization. Now, if I am truly honest with myself I can say that I'm sure it won't last. BUT, I am going to try and keep the cycle going by doing the boys' closet's next. You know that is a sacrifice because those clothes are too precious, and when your baby wears 9-12 months, it's time to get rid of the newborn clothes. Maybe. Truthfully, I'm saving them to make a quilt, cause I sew and all.  (insert sarcasm)

So, wish me luck as I trudge up the stairs with a Hefty cinch sack in one hand, and Kleenex in the other. 

Remember- a cluttered house = a cluttered mind.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanksgiving Fun and Easy bedlam Recipes

Oh the joys of multiple Thanksgivings. No one tells you when you get married that it automatically changes your destiny for each holiday.  I have no complaints here- I have never been one to turn down food. I promised I would post cousin Shari's potato casserole with all its creamy goodness- and here is its uncooked version:

For some reason the things I make don't usually taste good to me. Maybe that is because I eat it as I go, and by the time that its actually cooked the thrill is gone.  You know what else I figured out? Corn flakes are GOOD. Like, good without sugar. I guess this means I'm growing up.  Whoulda thunk it.

We didn't start our festivities until five, and I was terrified, cause the wee one demands sleep by 6:30 usually.  It was a pretty normal holiday. Everyone attempted to play domino's, and you just can't do that with 2 toddlers running amuck. Below is my mother in law with a very curious kid. He wanted those domino's SO badly. He got them too. Of course.
Gotta love Will's shirt was too cute, and the seller was awesome- you can find more info here.
As usual, I had to take a million pictures of Luke with cousin Ben.  Being so close in age I can't help it.  Honestly, I keep picturing their senior slide show or something, and I just know that these are going to be useful someday. If all else fails, Amy and I will have them. It's ok if you just want to pinch the heck out of Bennie's cheeks. I know I always do.

If you like Luke's shirt, you can get a Christmas or superhero version
at Super Tot

Then we headed to my parents house. (Our Thanksgiving's were 2 hours apart, and that was only because my brother's flight from LAX was delayed. I wanted to see him, but was thankful for the break between meals. :) Every year we invite my dad's old friend Harry and his sweet wife Carolyn over for dinner. They are so sweet, and Harry is an old Marine. He's hard core, but has such a sweet and soft side.
John always gives him hell. He will ask him how being in the Army was, or what it felt like to fly in the Air Force.  Gets Harry all riled up and insists that John remember that he is a MARINE! Then they will share a drink and eventually Harry can top John.  I can't post how he did it, but if you see me feel free to ask. It was hilarious. John also calls my sister in law's father "the captain" when that is not his name. I don't think Nikki's dad understands why he does it, but he smiles and nods.

It was great to see Blake, and what is hilarious is that he is so big city (boy- that made me sound super country, but it's time I face reality) and he is so stylish. I looked down at my outfit and felt as if I walked right out of The Square Foot. 

 It's also good to see my other brother and his wife and daughter.  Will loves Charli, and its so nice to watch them play together.  I don't imagine that it will last long once Charli figures out that Will is kind of a bully, so we soak it in while we can. 

 Lastly, the patriarch of our family, my dad. He is going to kill me for this, but he is one of the most awesome men you will ever come across. I am so thankful for him and the father and grandfather that he is.  I am so lucky that I married someone that will be the amazing dad to my boys as my dad was to me.

one of my favorite pics of all time.

That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I had to work Black Friday, so that pretty much put a fun damper on any Thanksgiving night wine drinking contests. Oh, the memories.

Now for BEDLAM recipes!!!
Oops- did I make that orange? Guess I did..

Okay, I know that you are all at parties and you should be bringing something with you when you go. Its also Saturday during the Christmas season, and I would rather stab my eye out than go to the store. SO, what to do? You make Emily's onion dip.  And no, I'm not going to post step by step photos like PW- if you can't handle this then you shouldn't cook.

1 cup Chopped onion (I find yellow is best)
1 cup Mayo (don't use Miracle Whip, or low fat- use the real deal people.)
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Mix this all up and bake on 350 degrees until bubbling and kind of brown on the sides. (how do you do a degrees sign on a keyboard?) and serve with Triscuts. Tastes like its way harder than it is, and the GREAT thing is that it's so easy to double. Just add another cup of everything. Voila.

Another one that I have found that is super is from the Pioneer Woman (shocking, right). Everything she makes is #1. You must eat this.

this is seriously divine. I can't even begin to describe how delicious this is. I add more hot sauce and more cayenne to give it a big kick.

Last one is a dip that I received in a full recipe box when John and I were married. I never thought much about it, but I remember the first time that I made it. This one is really a go to dip for any time of year. The sauerkraut really breaks down and becomes almost sweet, but still keeps that bite.

1/2-1 cup mayo (again, real stuff here.)
1 can Bavarian sauerkraut (drained)
1/2 lb shredded swiss
1/2 lb shredded cheddar
1/2 lb shaved pastrami

I usually chop the pastrami a bit finer than the deli does, but its your call. I find that I like for a little bit of everything to be in each bite, and that is hard when you have a hunk of Pastrami in the mix.  You mix this all together and bake at 350 (again- degrees sign?) It's delish with bagel chips, or your fingers. It's that good. And you would think that it wouldn't be a crowd pleaser since it has the sauerkraut, but it's actually a pretty devoured dip.

You have 4 hours. Get a move on! I'm not taking sides this time- I wish everyone a fin BEDLAM! (cough...GO POKES....cough...)


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ode to Holiday Gluttony

Ive posted three pictures of cookies on my Facebook page in 24 hours. I have pondered the fate of each cookie before it was consumed. I sat there wondering, while holding its chocolate gooey goodness, which part of my body it will enlarge. Still, not caring, I shoved it down my throat, and it was divine. Every bite.  Truth be told, I didn't even like sweet stuff until I had kids. I devoured tubs of strawberry ice cream when I was pregnant with Will, and ate cookies and cereal non stop with Luke. So while I dream of having the body of my 20 year old self, I have decided that I would rather be full and happy. Today, at least.

My cousin Shari makes the most divine potato casserole.  She is known for it in our family. My poor brother even called from LA last year for the recipe cause he was homesick for it. He emailed a picture when we didn't believe that he really made it. I am still impressed with the fact that he had a casserole dish. To carry on tradition, I am making it this year. I stopped by her house to pick up my little people, and she refreshed my memory on some of her secrets. While I won't divulge them, I will say my treadmill may get a workout if I decide I care about it.  Here is what it looks like:

I think that I have finally come to a conclusion on the subject that has been tormenting my waistline. I will be surrounded this week with seriously horrible but delicious food. Its completely a blessing that we are fortunate to have such a bountiful harvest of heavy cream and sugar (not to mention cream of mushroom), so maybe we should all just partake in the festivities- live a little. It wouldn't be very Thanksgiving-ish for anyone to let it go to waste. Right?

Moving on to Glee... I really thought Kurt was going to get shot in the wedding by the bully. I was really scared for him. Thank goodness we have DVR so i could fast forward through commercials. It was a nail biter, that one.

Last, but not least, my babes.

Will demands to wear cowboy boots with no coat. He won't eat anything either (he ate a cookie, go figure.) I am told the anorexic thing is a stage. I figure he's like a puppy- he will eat when he's hungry.

Luke is almost 9 months old and starting to have his personality shine through. Tonight is the first time I ever saw one of us in him. He has this laugh thing where he kinda hisses and makes this silly face. Looks exactly like his daddy.

Pretty special little people, those two. Plus, they make me feel tall. That's just an added bonus. Their daddy is 6'5, so I don't think I'll be taller for much longer.


Monday, November 22, 2010

Wanted: dog rental

I want a dog. Not really, but I think I want a dog. We had two pretty great dogs we had to give away because of Will's allergies. I miss them, but I don't miss the mess or responsibility. I've decided I need to rent a dog.

I don't know what kind I want, or which one will bother Will. I love bulldogs and basset hounds, but know of their problems too, so i would want to kind of stay away from that.

It's gonna have to be female. No more testosterone in mi casa.

I hate dogs that fit in purses. That whole idea is just plain stupid. I would paint a bulldogs toenails, but only if her name is Francine.

It can't shed and I would like it to protect me from criminals. However, it can't be too big to where it kills my grass. That's a bugger.

Any suggestions? I'm sure someone is going to post that maybe I don't need a dog, and that's fine. I probably don't. But I tend to believe the line between needs and wants is very blurry.

Maybe I should get a stuffed bulldog and name her Francine. She can wear a pink tutu.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, November 20, 2010

deck the halls..continued.

In case you missed part I, click here-- Deck the Halls. I have a feeling this is turning into a series. 

So I ventured up into the attic this afternoon.  It was every bit as bad as I originally pictured. That's just not a place for us women. That is a man's spot. Sorry to sound old fashioned, but I figure that if human beings came out of my body that I'm exempt from atticing if I choose to that a word? Atticing? I guess it is now.  Anyway, I shouldn't have to clean the pool either, but I have at least 6 months to get my case together for that.

I originally thought that Will was going to be the child that terrorized my Christmas decorating. This wasn't the case. I mean, look at this face! He wouldn't bother a fly. mmmhmm.
That being said, he was asleep. This made it easier to get a little done. I remember when Will would nap, I would have 4 glorious hours of Jordie time. I could nap, I could clean, I could do whatever I wanted. That isn't the case anymore. Those two just cannot seem to get on the same schedule in the afternoons. (Kids, if you are listening, the hours of 1pm-4pm are really my favorite. Christmas is coming up, you know. Mommy needs a little present. You can give me wine too. Serves the same purpose.)

Now let us get back to business.

I went into the attic.  Did I mention that? Yup, I'm still thinking about it.  And now that I am really thinking about it, I can't figure out what the hell is in there besides Christmas decorations. All I could think about is that I was 110% positive that there was probably a homeless man living in there waiting for the right time to strike. Chances are slim, but I have a limitless imagination when it comes to scaring myself. There wasn't really a homeless man, but there are lamps that I don't know where they came from.  Granted, I was 20 feet away (you don't think I would actually climb in the attic, did you? No, this girls feet didn't leave that top step.) so the lamps could actually be mine.

I brought down three tubs of glittery goodness. Thank goodness John is so smart, because he put all my decorations right by the entrance. I bet it was for his own ease, but still- I benefited. I hauled the tubs in and then I did this:

I took this at night, so my photography friends aren't going to be thrilled with my lack of natural light, but I didn't want to use my flash.  It still needs work, but I was okay with it for today. I will label this "work in progress" and make a note that if I ever build a house, an outlet is a MUST on the mantle. duh.

Then look what happened:

Someone woke up from their nap. He really loved those bells too. He had a complete blast. So, I figured that I would move on to another area of the house.

My mother in law bought us piece of furniture when we first got hitched, and I just love it. I don't decorate my house for every holiday- but I love to put festive decorations on this piece. First impressions are everything, and if you can get past the weeds in the flower bed, this lovely piece is there to welcome you. Well, maybe you can't see the whole thing, but there she is. I usually sprinkle snow all over it so you can't see any of the top, but I don't think I will be able to do that again until 2020. Now that I am looking at this picture, the angel looks super country sitting there, and she isn't. She is very Anthropologie. She must be moved.

So, folks, that's all I know today. Well, that's all I know about decorating for Christmas.

Other things I know are this

1) My friend Patrick at work has me obsessed with needtobreathe and they are incredible. I suggest "garden" and "the outsiders". You won't regret spending the $1.29 on itunes for those. I guarantee.

2) I'm reading at church tomorrow.  Last time I was in front of church for Luke's Christening I tripped, so I'm sure this will be hilarious. I love mispronouncing Bible names, places, and things. My sister in law, Amy, is lighting a candle.  She falls too. Wish us luck.

3) I'm SO excited to see my brother on Thursday. Haven't seen him since May and I literally feel like it's been a lifetime. I am so proud of him, and his company is just taking off! Check them out at

Can you tell I learned how to insert links today? Yeah, I'm big time.


Friday, November 19, 2010

teeth and tinsel

I only did a little decorating, and then I was scared for my life. Not for a good reason at all. I'm just really goosey after last weeks events. I really need a dog to keep me safe. Do they make hypoallergenic dogs that weigh more than 15 lbs? We really don't do the yapper, they really aren't that scary. I need a spider monkey. That would scare them. Or an epipent. (elephant in will lingo.) John thinks I am crazy central. He's probably right.

I'll post pictures from last night when I have them uploaded, and the house is fully Christmased out. I really need a laptop to make this easier (hint, hint)....

I will spoil a bit of the fun and reveal that Will has a love affair with a skiing nutracker. He ripped his legs off and broke his pole. Don't worry Nanny's nutcracker! Gorilla glue to the rescue! It's modern duct tape- fixes EVERYTHING. I have glued my fingers together, and glued my lamp to my desk accidentally. Funny moment. Lamp lived.  Desk, well. Desk is still here, just has a bit of a black eye. It's serious glue.

So, I just got a call from Luke's babysitter, Rarey, (shari), and the kid cut one tooth today with 4 more on the way. Not going to lie, I'll miss this look, I hear fangs are in right now. :) That kid is the best. Never complained one iota. Cool toothed Luke. :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Deck the halls, and your husband.

It's time to decorate for Christmas. It's time to send a miffed John into the attic for all my junk so I can attempt to make the house look somewhat festive. Should I do it myself? I have this image of listening to Amy Grant Christmas and drinking spiked egg nog (of course) while my family and I decorate the house. John hasn't bought into it quite yet. It really is a pretty ridiculous dream, so I am vowing this year to do it by myself with cheer in my heart and happiness on my face, no matter what.

Do you know my sister? She's pretty much the most incredible Christmas hoarder in the entire universe. She has like 1500 square feet in her house dedicated to Christmas storage (ok- slight exaggeration). She started with a passion for Radko ornaments when she was 20. TWENTY. She was on the home tour in our town at 23. TWENTY THREE. She started decorating her house weeks ago. IN OCTOBER.

At 20 I was illegally at Murphy's drinking beer. At 23 I was about to get married, and I still loved beer. This past October I was getting pumpkins stolen off my front porch (I'm sure the punk kids were drinking beer.) Needless to say, any attempt at my really decorating was wiped out long ago. So really, the pressure to be great is entirely off. And- I get hand me downs. Its really a win win, I don't understand Radko and villages anyway, and I don't understand massive amounts of sparkle either, she teaches me about the importance of these objects. Apparently everything must have a little shimmer in order to be truly Christmasy. I'm learning. 

What she hasn't taught me is how incredibly hard it is to decorate with a 2 year old thinking that your incredibly expensive Santa belongs in a bucket with Buzz Lightyear.  

So tonight I will embark on many firsts. The first time I am taking my princess self in the attic. The first time I will try to stay up past Will and still be productive. I will take pictures chronicling this experience.

It may require wine.


Saturday, November 13, 2010

The flu and daytime TV

I've had the stomach flu. It's been relatively horrible. Since I've been sitting in my arse for 3 days, I've had the pleasure of catching up on daytime TV that I've missed. What I've realized is that I didn't really miss it. 

The View is just a bunch of chickens clucking over eachother. Like my friend Amber says, it's really not "the view" since there are three very liberal democrats against a super conservative republican. Who's view is that? Who knows what they are talking about anyhow? 

The Today show is a good one, love Natalie Morales. And I love GMA. That was until Chris Cuomo and Diane Sawyer left. 

Regis and Kelly- well, Kelly is adorable, but Reg, oh Reg...your not as quick as you used to be. Love how you still call her Pippa though, so you don't have to retire just yet. 

Kathie Lee and Hoda....hmm.

Then comes the noon hour. America Live with Megyn Kelly. She may be the smartest, most adorable reporter ever. The way she can just get under Bill O'Reiley's skin, and he just smiles. I've decided he's smitten with her. 

Then I napped. 

Then I got kids and watched Nick Jr. until I felt my intelligence drop. Then, the obvious choice is E! News. You know nothing about anything unless you know all about LiLo's recent stint in rehab or Demi Lovato's mysterious trip to recovery. (Disney: I'm sensing a pattern here. It may be time for a Disney themed recovery center.I'm all about taking 10-15% since it's really my genius that thought of it)

Yeah, I realize I'm totally off topic. This has nothing to do with my children and they are the sole purpose for this. BUT I have been sequestered to my bedroom and have had nothing to do. I tried to watch Sex and the City 2, but I missed the end due to a phenegren induced coma. I have a list that is a mile long of things to do, but vomiting every time you stand isn't really conducive to any activity around the house. 

Will has learned to pretend to pass gas. He sticks his booty out and makes the sound and giggles. (it is pretty funny...shh i never said that) Guess who taught him that?mmm hmm.  That, my friends, is what happens when mommy is quarantined to the bedroom. 


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

loss for words...

living in a small town you are usually safe. I usually feel safe anyway. This morning I learned that I am living in a naive bubble covered by azalea banners, chili cook offs, and night golf.  What I've also learned from the recent and tragic events in my small town is to hold your babies a little tighter, and still have faith that people are inherently good.  I would hate to wake up one day and realize how much evil is out there.

Caution vs. Fear, Naivety vs. Ignorance.

How do I teach them the difference when I don't even understand it? Big battles for my brain today.

My heart is broken for this poor family. Needless to say- I'm probably sleeping on the 3 feet of space between my babies' rooms tonight.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

meet luke coburn

He is my second miracle baby.

he goes by luke. or lukie, or lukie doo. or "dookie" as will calls him.

He is 8 months old today, and I cannot believe that its already been that long since he came into the world.  I know every mother says that, but it is simply so true. Time really flies. He eats puffs and needs a seamstress.  His top is 12 months and his bottom is 9 months. No one tells retailers this. I'm lobbying for more separates, and onesies that have different lengths on the bottom. Get on it, Carter's.

He really loves the organic rice and lentils baby food. Ick.  John looked at him this morning and said "I bet he is going to be a handsome man." He will be. He is such a sweet baby. He is calm, brave and adventurous. He started pulling up and crawling forever ago.  (really, it was a little over 2 months ago, but still- he's a stud.) He has 4 teeth. 2 on bottom, and then two on top- but they are vampire fangs. Coolest baby on the planet.

When Will was oh, about 7 months old I found out I was pregnant.  Boy oh boy! That was a shocker. Not very often does a couple with a less than 5% chance of conceiving on their own in fact conceive on their own. But we hadn't even put Will's baby stuff up- so that made it easier. Of course I lasted about 5 seconds at work (7 months) before I had to go home. I am just not a great pregnant person. I played with Will, cleaned house, and got Lukie's room all ready for him. I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I was exhausted and had no idea what I was getting into, but luckily, he is my lover boy- my sweetheart, and I'm already so proud of him for being as brave and strong as he is. I can't even begin to describe the joy he immediately brought to our lives.

So, we have two miracle babies. Proves to us to always be humbled by what God can do, and that we have so much to learn from our little ones. Here I go on my music rant, but there is a line in "Father and Son" by Cat Stevens that says "From the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen" and I always hoped that I would be the type of parent that would listen to my children, no matter their age. I think we have so much to learn from them about the world and about ourselves.

With that being said, I think I told Will to listen about 10,000 times today.

Point taken.


Monday, November 8, 2010

meet john william...

He goes by Will. Or by willy lump-lump, as his daddy's friends affectionately named him in utero.  I'm sure you have already seen him, especially since I only have 4 followers, and most of you have been friends of mine for a while. For the rest of you, here is your formal introduction.
He's 2. He's very 2. He's hilarious, and has the most wild blue eyes and the most infectious and crazy giggle.  He's my miracle baby (I have two of those, I'll explain later.)

It was almost 3 years ago that I went to see one of the world's most wonderful and kind doctor, Dr. Stanley Prough at the Tulsa Fertility Center.  Needless to say, that moment rocked our world. In Vitro Fertilization? WHAT? That was something only seen in the movies- not in my real life, NOT at 26.  That was for women that waited until their 40's to have kids. Not me, not us. Oh, but there was a far greater plan in mind.

After bags of needles showing up at our doorstep, and after all (literally, all) of my jammie pants had blood stains on the hips from 18 weeks of progesterone shots given by amazing husband; after crying, wondering, praying, and after countless hours of listening to Carrie Underwood's "So Small" (I'm a nerd- but music is how I cope, and it has to be said, that song really applies to most situations) it was go time. We did egg harvesting and fertilization, and had to wait for what seemed like an eternity for our little ones to grow and prepare for transfer. During that time, my Nanny, my mother's mother, passed away. I was in the room when she died.  I specifically remember calling the fertility hotline to check on my embryo's moments before her last breath. It's almost like she traded spots with Will- to give him to us.  I had my transfer one day before her funeral.

Now, if you you don't know us well, both John and I have green eyes. Our whole families have green eyes. Except Nanny. Nanny had the most incredible blue eyes. Kinda like this:

Isn't that the best gift of remembrance that she could have given us? That, and he is a dancer. He's got that Barger boogie down. I'll just look over and he is patting his foot- and always right on beat. She would be so proud. Like my mom says- the kid has rhythm.

But he looks like a Coburn. More specifically, like his Papa.

Will currently hates to eat anything that isn't a cracker or that isn't bad for him.  I am NOT the bad guy that started this trend, but I must admit, I cave.  I mean, the little punk has to eat something! He has a love affair with his bee bee, and still drinks milk from a bottle most days. He's not going to take it to college, and I don't put pop in it, so back off.

You would give him a bottle too.

He loves to watch anything on TV, but also loves to draw and sing. (and dance). Hes pretty much the coolest oldest boy I have. He eats his applesauce with a rubber lizard. I mean, c'mon. That is pretty nifty.
He gives unexpected french kisses, loves Cat in the Hat, Woody, and Elmo, and Charlie and Lola.  He has a Charlie and Lola book that I read with a surprisingly decent British accent. John's accent needs serious attention. He loves cowboy boots and being outside. He's 100% boy. And he loves his little brother.

We are so thankful for him and the blessings and drama that he continually adds to our lives.

So, folks- that's Will in a nutshell.


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Early Risers...

I love fall back. Makes me feel like I was up this early all on my own. I'd love to be tricked more often. Hopefully it will make waking up at 5am a little easier in the morning.

I love time changes. They are the perfect amount of time from eachother. I start to get restless for cozier evenings, and the fall back comes. Then I start craving patio weather, and spring forward grants us more light to play. It was really smart and spaced perfectly. Good job to whoever planned that.

Last night, Jack and Ben came over to play. Will adores cousin Jack. They are 18 months apart- roughly the same distance between my boys. It's interesting to see what's ahead for John and I. I think it's going to be a wild decade. Ben and Luke are 1 day apart. (well, more like 14 hours) and they lay on the floor and stare at each other. While Luke is more mobile than Ben, Ben does tons of things Luke can't. Ben holds his own bottle. Anyone that has kids knows what a glorious milestone this is. Ben also has the most kissable cheeks on the planet. I'll post pics soon.

So another day of church, grocery store, and afternoon naps begins. I am confident that I will have the time to finally be able to figure out how to upload my pictures and change this hideous layout. That's only if a nap doesn't look more attractive.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Monitor update..

She's alive!!! Rice works.(and yes, that's a non sleeping baby. This kid is not my sleeper.)

Moral of the story, Google pretty much solves any problem you may have. Has yet to let me down. God bless Google!!

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Playing in the Street

At what age do kids realize the danger of cars? I swear, Will darts out in the street every time
we are in the front yard. I've explained "you will get smushed by a car", but he doesn't get it. I mean, he still slobbers on himself, so I think it may be a bit over his head.

He kind of looked cowboy gangster in his black Puma hoodie and run dmc shirt...and cowboy boots. Gotta rock those boots. He runs over to the neighbors yard and sits on an old stump, and says "NO!" whenever I ask him a question. Any question. For example, "will? U want to eat only dum-dums and goldfish forever and ever?" "NO mommy!" (while pointing his finger at me- like I'm in trouble.)

Lukie, on the other hand, sits and eats leaves while I thumb through catalogs that have collected from the week. I know Will is totally a performer, and will probably be just like his daddy- life of the party, and full of charisma- the story teller. I can't wait to discover more and more of Luke's personality. At 8 months, he's a bit more reserved than Will was, and silently curious. He studies things and is so observant.

He's pretty much the cutest thing ever. As my dad would say, he's my all time favorite youngest son. :) That's pretty darn accurate.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone