directionally challenged

so, as part of my blogging I have decided to unleash embarrassing "secrets" about myself. I put that in quotes, because those close to me know these truths, but I thought I would share them with the entire world.

My name is Jordan, and I am directionally challenged.

I suppose you are born with a sense of direction.  Some sort of internal compass that can guide your way when you get lost.  I suppose you could follow the sun, if you knew what direction it rises and sets.  I don't. I made up a jingle about the sun rising and breakfast, but then I couldn't remember if the sun rises with eggs or waffles (east and west).  So, as far as I am concerned, the sun setting just means it gets dark, and the sun rising means I have to go to work.

Story #1: I am 16.  I am going to Wichita to visit my "person" (One of my very best friends) and it is my first really big road trip.  I was a little nervous, and my big brother says "Its a big Shawnee (the main drag in our small town)- just think of it like that and you will be fine. " So, I take off in search of I-35N to embark on my first road trip.  I found it, and thought I was a geographical genius.  Got to Wichita, and arrived at my destination with a little help from my person's dad.  Had a delightful weekend, and it was time to head back to Oklahoma.  Here's the deal- I'm a very literal person.  And while my brother told me to take I-35N to Kansas, he didn't tell me that there was a different way home.  It's a big Shawnee, right? There isn't a Shawnee north and a Shawnee south.  It's just Shawnee. So, I jump in my pathfinder and head home on I-35N.

As I am driving I realize that things don't look familiar.  But, I have my giant book of 600 CDs, and I am rocking out and smoking the occasional cigarette feeling really grown up, so I didn't pay much attention to it.  I keep driving and realize that I see an awful lot of cars from Iowa.  'There must be a game or something' I think to myself... and I keep driving.

Never mind that it was summer, and there probably wasn't a game.

Did I mention I had really blond hair then?

Finally, after almost 4 hours I arrive at a toll booth.  I decided I would ask how far Tulsa was, because I didn't remember it taking this long last time.  I ask, and the sweet toll person said "Tulsa is the other way sweetie.  You are almost in Kansas City."

I called my person.  I did a u-turn at the toll booth, and she answered.  I'm pretty sure I said every curse word in the book, and then I hear her dad DYING LAUGHING.  Yeah- real funny, Lyndy.

4 hours later I arrive in Oklahoma. They still give me hell about it.

Story #2:  I was watching Glenn Beck just now, and he was talking about how the children of China are passing the American kids in school.  They are much smarter than us.  Duh Glenn- that is startling news. (sarcasm implied) Please allow me to reinforce the stereotype of the dumb American.

As children we are taught the map of the United States.  All the states are memorized, as well as their capitals, and you fill in blank maps in school.  This is important information after all.  You should know where you live. I usually did okay for these exercises, although the northeast is still a bit tricky for me.  They are too tiny.

When I was 19, my family went to Hawaii for a vacation.  I was always so interested in Hawaii and I found it fascinating that Hawaii and Alaska were so close to each other and have wildly different climates.  Hawaii is warm and tropical, and Alaska is COLD!

I learned on the flight to Hawaii that it is not directly under the United States.  Also, it is not right next to Alaska.  I blame Rand McNally for this misconception. Put the freaking states where they belong please.

I hope you have enjoyed my honesty.  I am sure it gave you a laugh.  I am really not the blooming idiot I have portrayed myself to be.

I am what I say I am- directionally challenged.

ciao.